Caregiving and the Art of Presence: A Mindful Caregiving Memoir

“Breathing in, I dwell in the present moment.
Breathing out, I know this is the only moment.”

— Plum Village

Anyone who has cared for an aging parent knows the long days, the tiredness that sleep does not mend, and the loneliness that can settle in once visitors go home. Caregiving and the Art of Presence is Sister Tue Nghiem’s account of the last ten years of her mother’s life. A Buddhist nun who trained with Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, she found herself carrying the teachings on compassion and equanimity into the daily work of caring for Ma. The book shares what held her steady and what she learned about tending her own body and mind.

Mindful Caregiving: A Daughter’s Memoir

Sister Tue Nghiem became a nun straight after university. Her mother had brought five young children out of Vietnam by boat during the war and raised them on her own in America. Decades later, the daughter became the one giving care. In this caregiving memoir she writes candidly about exhaustion and isolation, and about the moments when presence brought back clarity and connection. She shows how a caregiver can stay grounded and kind without disappearing into the role, and how caring for herself became part of caring for Ma.

A Practice for Caregivers, Starting Tonight

• Before you enter your parent’s room, stop and take three slow breaths.
• While you help with a meal or a wash, let your hands move slowly and feel the warmth of the bowl or the water.
• When tiredness rises, name it to yourself with kindness, and let each out-breath soften your shoulders.
• Give yourself a few minutes each day: a short walk, a cup of tea, a few steps of walking meditation.
• At night, recall one moment of real contact with your parent today, and let it be enough.

About This Book

• Author: Sister Tue Nghiem, a Vietnamese American Zen teacher and Buddhist nun who trained with Thich Nhat Hanh.
• Subtitle: A Zen Nun’s Journey of Love and Letting Go.
• Includes: a resource section of Zen teachings on presence for caregivers.
• Language: English.
• Reading as practice: on a heavy day, read a few pages, then close the book and rest.

Two companion books walk the same ground: How to Live When a Loved One Dies by Thich Nhat Hanh and Live Beautifully, Die Beautifully by Sister Dang Nghiem.

Going as a River: Why the Official Source Matters

In the Plum Village tradition, we know that a single drop of water evaporates, but as a river, it reaches the sea. When you choose to support your practice through the Plum Village Official Shop, your purchase is more than a transaction. It is an act of Dana (generosity). Every purchase directly supports the Plum Village monastic community and its mission to share the practice of mindfulness with the world. Thank you for going as a river with us.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What is Caregiving and the Art of Presence about?

A: Caregiving and the Art of Presence is a caregiving memoir by Sister Tue Nghiem, a Buddhist nun, about the last ten years of her mother’s life. She describes the strain of long-term care and how mindfulness practice helped her stay present with her mother and with herself. The book closes with a resource section of Zen teachings on presence for caregivers.

Q: What is mindful caregiving?

A: Mindful caregiving means giving care with full attention to the present moment, including attention to your own breath, body and limits. In the Plum Village tradition this can be as simple as three breaths before entering a room, or a slow, attentive meal together. Sister Tue Nghiem shows in her memoir that caring for yourself is part of caring well for someone else.

Q: Who is Sister Tue Nghiem?

A: Sister Tue Nghiem is a Vietnamese American Zen teacher who became a Buddhist nun after university and trained with Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. Her mother brought her five children out of Vietnam by boat and raised them alone in America. Caregiving and the Art of Presence tells the story of the years Sister Tue Nghiem spent caring for her.